Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
