i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
