what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
