I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
