i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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