What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
