i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Buhtt sex?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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