Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
