he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize