she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
