He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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