So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
