i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This house was built for laser tag.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
