I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
