You smell like stripper and shame
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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