the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
