Pappa wants mamma naked
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
