but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
