I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
