so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
