Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
