i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
