The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
