Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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