I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize