I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
