Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
