sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
