His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
