ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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