the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
