turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
