So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
