There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
