Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
wanna go halves on a baby?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
