I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
