Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
3pm strippers are depressing
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
