the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
