woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
