You can't special order awesome
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
