whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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