"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
