Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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