I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
