He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
