That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
