when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
