Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This house was built for laser tag.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
