would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
