see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
