In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize