he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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