i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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