whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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