Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize