Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
