Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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