Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
