Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
