Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
