I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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