12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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