If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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