Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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