I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
